The New, New Alphabet

A is for apple, and b is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won’t float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

A’s for arthritis;
B’s the bad back,
C’s the chest pains perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can’t read the top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

H is for high blood pressure - I’d rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, wont mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!

P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few. Just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? Or a quack with that vacuum sucking thing.
R is for reflux, one meal turns into two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for tinnitus; there’s bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy” you know ….

W is for worry, NOW what’s going round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I’m left here behind
Z is for zest that I still have – in my mind.

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my bodies deployed,
And I’m keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!