St Patricks Day

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. " I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by Jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day."
"From the hunger, you mean?"

"No, from the skippin", the Irishman said.

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A doctor in Ireland wanted to take off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.
"Paddy, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients".
"Yes, sir!" answers Paddy.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Paddy, how was your day?"
Paddy told him that he took care of three patients.
"The first one had a headache, so I gave him TYLENOL."
"Bravo, Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir, "says Paddy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this, and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table. She spreads her legs and shouts:
"HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!"
"Tunderin' Lard Jayzus, Paddy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes."