4th January
You are a fucking bastard !!!! Now we have ten ladies dancing.
How on earth anyone can call these whores "ladies" is beyond me, they're pulling the pipers all night long !!!!! The cows can't sleep and now have diarrhoea.
My living room is a sea of shit and the landlord has just declared the building unfit for human habitation.
FUCK OFF AND DIE JOHN !!!!!!!
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5th January
Listen shit face - what with eleven lords leaping about the house, shagging me and the maids senseless, I shall probably never walk again.
The pipers are now fighting the lords for all the crumpet and resorting to committing sodomy with the cows, the birds are dead and rotting having been trampled during the orgy.
I hope you're satisfied - you c**t.
Your sworn enemy, Agnes.
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6th January
You stinking lousy shit !!!! Twelve fucking drummers, banging their fucking drums all day long !!!! They have teamed up with the pipers, making one hell of a noise, both lots have been buggering the cows and Christ alone knows what happened to the milkmaids?
They've probably drowned in the cow shit by now.
The only way I have to saved myself from getting screwed to death is by hiding up in the fucking peartree which has been well fertilised by all this shit and has now grown through the roof !!!!!
Big hairy bollocks to you,
Agnes.
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